Finding Community in Suffering

The Lord is with me, and He has richly blessed me with a covenant family.

By: Amy Shirley, Perimeter School parent

“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.”
Psalm 34:18 ESV

I am well acquainted with grief and sorrow. I wish I were not, but it is a big part of my story. For the past twenty years, my family has walked through and continues to walk through some incredibly difficult seasons.

My husband and I experienced seven and a half years of unexplained infertility. My sister is one of the youngest diagnosed cases of multiple sclerosis ever, and for 20 years, it has taken so much from her. But praise the Lord, not her faith, her joy, or her smile.

Then, in the fall of 2020, just weeks after our son began kindergarten at Perimeter School, my husband was diagnosed with cancer. He had a massive tumor that would require aggressive chemotherapy for six months in the hopes of shrinking the tumor enough for surgical removal. After an 18 hour operation, he woke up unable to walk and spent months working to regain that ability.

We had about nine months where he was walking again, and we thought perhaps we were coming out of that heavy season. Then he suddenly began losing stamina. It appeared to be anemia, but it was leukemia. He fought bravely for 11 months, and on November 9, 2023, the Lord took him home.

During this same time, my dad, who was also my business partner, had been battling cancer. Initially, it seemed more like a nuisance, relatively uneventful in comparison. But then it spread, and he declined rapidly. On April 20, 2025, just in time for Easter, the Lord took him home as well.

Losing my husband and dad, my children’s dad and G-daddy, so close together has been an incredibly hard road to walk. Thankfully, that is only a part of the story. All that I have written is true, but it’s not the whole picture.

I AM NOT ALONE

“This hope is a strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls. It leads us through the curtain into God’s inner sanctuary.”
Hebrews 6:19 NLT

I have been a part of this covenant community at Perimeter School and Perimeter Church my entire life. It is a gift of incalculable value. Growing up at Perimeter School (Grades 1-8), I learned what I believed, why I believed it, and how to share my faith with others. Scripture memorization was strongly encouraged at home, church, and school. I vividly remember sitting down in my eighth Bible class and writing out the book of James from memory over the course of the school year, a chapter at a time. Those scriptures, memorized in childhood, and the habit of committing them to memory were among the greatest gifts in seasons of struggle.

“God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore, we will not fear though the earth give way, though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea.” Psalm 46:1,2 ESV

This is the verse that came to mind as I sat in the ER with my husband, things were incredibly scary and there was no certainty that he would make it and even if he did, for how long. I read this verse in my Bible study group this week, and I was immediately taken back to that time. I remember it all. How scary it was, but also the deep, abiding peace that the Lord was with us in that moment and in this moment as I now parent my children alone.

I say alone, but I am not alone and never have been, no matter how I sometimes feel. The Lord is with me, and He has richly blessed me with a covenant family who have walked beside us through it all.

“But you, Lord, do not be far from me. You are my strength; come quickly to help me.”
Psalm 22:19

“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”
 2 Corinthians 12:9

“Praying for you.”
“Just dropped off dinner. Love you guys and praying.”
“I’m heading to the grocery store. Can I pick up anything for you?”
“We’re headed to the park, would you like to join us, or would it help for us to pick up your kids?”

This is a small sample of the actual texts, emails, phone calls, and in-person care that we have received from the Covenant Family at Perimeter School. So many were faithfully taking us to the Lord in prayer, sending us scripture to keep our hearts focused on Him in the midst of chaos, and caring for our physical needs and our emotional needs, too. Without that care, this would have been an even harder battle. They were not perfect, and neither am I, but what a blessing to be surrounded even now by friends and family who love us and are walking with us through what God has called us to. When you have the opportunity to love on, care for, and walk with families in our covenant community who are struggling, I hope that you will take the chance to see how the Lord might bless them through you.

REMEMBER HIS GOODNESS

1 Timothy talks about how scripture is God-breathed and profitable for us. This has been true in my life. When my emotions, my fear, my heart are all over the place, I can go to the Bible, to God’s Word, and remind myself of what is true. When the world feels hopeless, I can remember where my true hope is found. I had long drives from the hospital back to wherever my kids were, often with my amazing parents (who also are a part of this wonderful Covenant Family). Those drives were an opportunity to pray and reset before re-entry. I remember the drive after learning that he no longer qualified for the clinical trial and that we were out of options, or at least good options. He was 44, we had an eight year old and an almost three year old.

Our hearts were heavy. Was there any hope? What should we do? Before I left the hospital, we cried and prayed. Then we both planned to listen to Romans on an audio Bible while I was driving home. Romans? You might ask, not the Psalms, or maybe just a rage cry to God? We certainly had those moments. My daily prayers were modeled after the Psalms: Remember His Goodness, Cry Out, Trust.

“God, I know that you are powerful, I know that you have been faithful. I am scared, heartbroken, and weary. I need you to do what only you can do. Lord, I am going to trust that you are faithful and will carry us today.” 

On that terrible day, in the middle of a lot of terrible days, the Lord brought Romans to mind, and it brought great comfort. It’s the Hope that we have that this life is not the end. Because of Jesus and His work on the cross, we could have hope even in this.

“Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ.  Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God.  Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the
Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

 For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die— but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
Romans 5:1-8 (ESV)

He did not magically fix everything. My husband and dad still suffered and died. My sister is still fighting a debilitating disease. But I hope that, as I’ve shared, you’ve seen that while I am well acquainted with grief, I am also well acquainted with the Lord’s love and care. Through His presence, His Word, and so many who loved and cared for us, including the Covenant Family. I cannot say enough how much that has positively impacted our family.

I kept a journal on CaringBridge throughout Josh’s cancer journeys, and I always tried to end with scripture. Trying to point my heart back to what was true. The one I used most was from Lamentations; it’s the hope I clung to then and now, and I hope you will too. So, I’ll leave you with this final thought of the Lord’s faithful love and care for us.

“But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.”
Lamentations 3:21-23